A Lesson in Dollars and Cents – Teaching Teens About Money

How I’m Teaching My Teens to Spend Their Own Money and Less of Mine

If you’re a parent, guardian or relative to teenagers then you know how trying it can be to “teach” them anything. At this stage of life, they know it all, have done it all and are moving on to bigger asinine better things.

I’ve struggled with how and when to introduce fiscal responsibility to the dynamic duo for two reasons: 1) I’m kinda short on patience  and 2) I’m kinda short on time. With youth functions at church, volunteer activities in the community, school, plays, sports, games, parent meetings, family gatherings…you get the idea…trying to interject something new to learn is a slippery slope. I’m almost guaranteed a 100% “no thanks” on their part.

Plus, I wanted this dollars-and-cents thing to be more than just a lecture–I wanted it to be hands on, engaging, and absolutely voluntary. And by voluntary, I mean they had to participate but I didn’t want to force them. Kinda like when I say oh honey, you don’t have to eat your veggies. Just be prepared to give up anything sweet for 2 weeks. Either way, I’m fine with your decision. Ha!

To Accountability…and Beyond!

Simple plan. Easy concept. Little time to implement. That’s what I was after. Unlike our allowance system–which bombed completely–I wanted something they could be excited about. What I did next, surprised even myself.

I’d been watching the latest from the fabulous Montina Portis. I’d connected with Montina about 2 years ago on Twitter and have recently re-connected with her on YouTube. She’s dynamic, a former solo parent and an overcomer–much like myself. I dug out my notes from one of her blogcasts, read through it and jumped on the computer. Here’s how it all went down.

1. I opened 2 Paypal Student Debit Card Accounts; one for each teen.
2. I funded the accounts,  and set permissions and restriction levels. Yes, somethings will require my approval first.
3. I told each teen about it separately. They’re besties–like really, really besties–so I wanted to make sure each one had the chance to process the information sans input from the other.
4. I explained that instead of paying for chores, I’d be paying for grades. Every A earned ‘x’ amount. Every B would earn half of ‘x’ and every C would earn you ZERO!! And D’s meant you were toast so proceed at your own peril.
5. I explained chores were mandatory and if completed on time, I would gladly do their chores every other week to give them a break–but only if they did theirs on time.
6. Complex chores would be a pay-for-hire kind of arrangement. Like window blinds. for example. I hate cleaning them but I have no qualms with paying one of them to do it. Going once, twice, sold to the teen with the ambition!
7. They would now be responsible for buying their own stuff. Booya!! Now that both of them are earning money every month from their grades, they have the means to buy whatever they need or want with their own money. No more “mom, can you buy me…” You want it? You pay for it.
8. They would keep a ledger or budget of their finances. I’m a stickler for budgets. I have a pretty easy to use spreadsheet that calculates income, expenses and money spent. I created one for each of them, taught them how to update and use it and viola! They’re off to the races.

To say I had their attention was the understatement of the year. Not only were they excited, they were engaged, came to the table with their own ideas and solutions, and jumped in with both feet.

You know what else? Their whole attitude on chores, team work and being responsible miraculously changed over night!!! Okay, seriously? That never happens folks. But what did happen was they are doing chores more consistently and they are already planning out a budget up to Christmas. Oh and miraculously–for real this time–my daughter no longer wants those Uggs she asked me to buy 2 weeks ago saying, “they’re just not my style.” Coincidence? I think not.

It’s never too early to teach our youth about money and responsibility. The skills and disciplines they learn now will mold how they live, respond and behave later.

That Time I Shipped My Kids Off to a Foreign Country and Partied Like A Rock Star!

It’s been a while. Too long of a while. For that, I’d like you to join me in thanking and applauding the following:

• Fearlessness. I eventually got off my back side, quit dreaming about doing stuff and actually started doing stuff. Out of that came Selena’s Write, Mane-N-Curl and a host of other goodies, I’ve got cooking in the works, including a novel.
• My crazy-awesome-better-eat-your-wheaties-cause-this-ain’t-for-punks kind of schedule. As if I had nothing better else to do, I began working out regularly (and by working out I mean attempting to survive P90x), volunteering more, teaching more, giving away more and catering to self less. I began loving on others, encouraging complete strangers and allowing flexibility and adaptability to light the way. And lastly,
• Personal reflection and assessment. I wasn’t making the time to ask myself the right questions and so everything, but the right things, were influencing my actions. I got all over that with lightening speed.

So, now you know why I’ve been gone. Now, let me tell why I shipped my kids off.

I wish I could say my reasons were entirely noble. Perhaps they are. Some of you may agree; others not so much. Here’s how it went down.

I’m not rich. I’m not even well to do. I work. I pay bills. I save. And I intentionally work to build good character in my children. So, naturally when they began to complain about having to share things, needing a 2nd bathroom and not having an iPhone, it was time to take action. I’d been hearing the complaints for months and frankly, I was sick of it. Truth be told, I was a little taken aback. This “I’m owed more” attitude was what I expected from teens whose parents dropped the ball. Ha! Nothing like an “in your face” moment to help you see straight or to knock you off your pedestal. That’s when truth hit.

If I want them to learn character or values, I’ve got to jump on opportunities that will teach them character and values. I mean, you never learn how to swim, if you don’t get in the water, right? So, I signed them up to go to Haiti on a mission’s trip with my church. First, they weren’t happy. Next, they didn’t believe I’d actually go through with it. Then, they expected me to go with them. Ha! Um, no. Last, I made them do all the prep work to get it going and I wouldn’t let them off the hook.

So, on August 14 at 5:34 a.m., they boarded a plane–for the first time in their lives–and  flew to Haiti where they worked as a team to serve children in an orphanage during its first ever Bible Camp! They painted buildings and met people with less possessions who had more joy than they could fathom. Did they learn anything? Time will tell. They don’t touch down until tonight. But I’m willing to bet the experience taught them more than they bargained for.

I, in turn, partied like the opportunity would never come again! I went to the movies. I pampered myself with the kinds of things that make the heart squee. As a solo-parent, I haven’t had an extended break from the duo since, well, never. Maybe a day or two, but never an entire week; and yours truly took full advantage of it.

If your children are acting like you owe them everything, find an opportunity that will allow them to learn about the importance of serving others. Encourage and insist that they participate in service programs that could help them focus less on themselves and more on those who need help. You may not see the change overnight, and that’s okay. Maturity is a process and in due time, the seeds of all they’ve learned will begin to sprout.

Would you send your teens out of the country without you?

Thanks for visiting.

WWF Smackdown – Why I Sometimes Let ‘Em Duke it Out

You WHAT?!!! Yes, I know. Some of you are already in an uproar and that’s perfectly fine. But if you hang with me for a few moments, I will prove to you why sometimes, letting your children figure things out on their own is the BEST thing you, as a parent, will ever do. Now, let’s go back in time. The year 2008.

Her: Mom!! He hit me.

Me: Stop hitting your sister.

Him: well, she threw her bra at me; that’s like an act of war.

Me: don’t throw your bra at your brother.

Her: well, he said girls suck.

Him: well, it’s true.

Her: is NOT!

Him: is TOO!

Me: STOP it both of you!!

Them: geez, Mom. You’re really cranky.

Did you catch that? I was the CRANKY one even though this had been going on for 30 minutes!! THIRTY MINUTES! I thought for sure that resolving my children’s issues was what I was supposed to do. Instead, I was labeled as cranky and then the two of them had the audacity to start laughing and carrying on as though the last 30 minutes never even took place! That year I learned a valuable lesson: just like with adults, conflict resolution is a natural part of life and if we as parents are too quick to try to handle problems for our children, we stunt their ability to resolve situations on their own. Plus, they’re not really looking for our help. Fast forward to April 2011.

Him: hiiiiiiyaaaaaahhhhh!! *loud thud, followed by a scream* My son has run across the room, jumped onto my daughter and now has her pinned on the dining room floor.

Her: Mommeeeee. *giggles and belly laughs* Tell him to get off of me! Owww. *more giggles* He’s hurting me.

Him: take back you what you said!

Her: NEVER!

Him: take it back!

Her: stopppp! Get off me!

For 10 minutes I listened to my screaming daughter and stubborn son go back and forth with their taunts and cries for Mommy to intervene. This was my chance to put into practice the lesson, I’d learned about 3 years ago. I narrowed my eyes, glaring at my teens. I took off my earrings, rolled up my sleeves and stomped into the dining room.

Him: say you’re sorry. *giggles*

Her: get off me!! Mommeeeee. *giggles*

Clearly there was only one thing left to do: I dropped to my knees and banged my hand on the floor. One! I shouted. Two! I shouted. Three. I shouted. We have a new WWF Champion, ladies and gentleman. I grabbed my son’s arm and declared him the victor; then I left the room. To say they were stunned would be an understatement but it proved to be the best laugh, I’d had all day!

So, there you have it. I let them duke it out and got a much needed laugh in the process! Two teens. One lesson. Not bad Mommy. Not bad at all!

Thanks for visiting.