Bartender, One Shot of Motivation on the Rocks and Make It a Double Fool!

Emotional wholeness and freedom is tied directly to my willingness to take an active part in my own healing.

I’m a motivator.

I didn’t major in motivational speech in college. I don’t have any special training or certificates. Motivating others is just something I do. And I’m surprisingly good at it. There’s something earth-shattering about empowering, educating or encouraging another human being to step into the realm of yes I can with little more than hope, determination and the perseverance to see it through.

I’m a wordsmith.

As a child, my two favorite reads were the dictionary and the thesaurus. I loved to play with words, to experiment with the power they exude. I learned early on that words have the power to heal or maim, to free or enslave.

It would be years before I realized I’d stumbled onto something extraordinary—a gift that would impact others for the better.

If we’re Facebook or Twitter friends (let’s connect if we aren’t), no doubt you’ve thought to yourself geesh, does this chick ever have an off day? Is she always this upbeat? Let’s be honest. Just because I wear an “s” on my chest, can leap tall buildings in a single bound and am prone to hives brought on by fruit laced in kryptonite, does not mean I’m not human. (wink)

Still, one of the biggest things motivators face is that sometimes the motivator needs some motivation…STAT! As women, especially mothers, we are wired to be nurturers; and we tend to do this even at the risk of self peril. But what I want to ask is what do we do when we, the chief motivators, need a little motivation or nurturing all our own? Where do we turn to get the kind of encouragement and empowerment we dole out—selflessly—to others?

That my friends, is THE question of the decade. I wish I had the answer that would make you smile and feel that all will be right in the world. I don’t. I wish I knew the perfect medley of words that would put your mind at ease in the midst of operating on fumes. I don’t. But here are some of the stages I went through on my quest to find the thing I needed to get my mojo back.

Resentment

Yuppers. This happens especially when motivatees are so focused on their need for motivation that they forget you’re human—that you don’t have all the answers and yeah, some days you just don’t feel like it. I wish I could say resentment was subtle—that it snuck up on me. It was quick, brutal and it swung its hammer better than the mighty Thor. By the time I’d heard the third well, who do I go too now?; and the fourth what?! The motivator needs motivation?! resentment had taken root with talons the size of Texas. True story.

Guilt, Inadequacy and Inaction

Talk about a triple whammy! This triad of doom is not easily broken especially since each spews its own venom and amasses its strength from the others. In a word, it’s crippling—to the psyche and the emotions. Let’s examine it in action.

As motivators and go to persons, anytime we forego helping others to focus on ourselves guilt is not too far behind. If left to its own devices, guilt quickly escalates into bouts with inadequacy.  Your mind shouts if you cannot be there for others how useful are you really? Are you even that good or effective at what you do? Yupper, fun times no doubt. And as if guilt and inadequacy weren’t enough, there’s inaction. I would say this is the worst of the bunch. Inaction leads to stagnant lifestyles and defective mindsets. In short, you go nowhere fast.

I’ll spare you the gory details of stress induced panic attacks, anxiety-laced headaches, loss of hunger, isolation, and sleeplessness. I told you, it ain’t pretty.

I Said Make it A Double, Fool! (gotta love Mr. T)

As I said, I don’t have THE answer. I can only share what I’m doing to help myself be the best self—the healthiest self—I deserve to be.

1. I stopped explaining myself to others. If I—you—need to take a break and recharge, the prerogative is ours, no one else’s.
2. I stopped letting people define and confine me. This can be especially difficult if there are key people you respect, love and value in your life. However, I am me and no one knows me better than I do. That means if I’m burnt out and bleeding, it’s time to take break—whether you agree or not, is irrelevant.
3. I stopped with the excuses. We can rationalize and excuse everything, can’t we? As go to persons, it’s difficult to admit and accept we need others. I quit going it alone and I’m better for it.
4. I stopped expecting people to understand. Until you can walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, your ability to fully relate to their circumstances are limited. And that’s okay as long as you keep that in mind before you open your mouth. If not, splendid people like me will be happy to remind you.
5. I stopped…everything. Silence and stillness are much more powerful than we realize. Making the time to listen to my own voice yielded the kind of magic magician’s envy which inevitably gave wings…like Red Bull only better.

It’s still a work in progress; and that’s okay. I grow as I learn and I speak what I know to be true: emotional wholeness and freedom is tied directly to my willingness to take an active part in my own healing.

#Parenting #Fail: Liposuction and 7-Year-Olds

It’s 2012. It’s the year the world will end (as per the Mayan calendar), the year we really get serious about bringing home our troops and the year we will select a new President. At first glance, it seems like 2012 is fast becoming a year that will prove to be unforgettable on many levels.

Liposuction as investment for a 7-year-old is not one I thought would ever top the list of forget-me-nots, but I stand corrected.

We live in a world that perpetually bombard our princesses (and princes) with destructive messages that corrupt the eros of the soul–that eat through the joys and wonders of being a kid. As I kid, I remember high-water pants, freckles, kinky-hair, glasses, chubby-faces, belly laughs, missing teeth, noses that spit milk, Now-Laters, pinky promises, climbing trees in skirts, doing cartwheels in the grass, hand-ball in the park, chemistry sets, secret diaries and first crushes.

Childhood is meant to be a time of exploration and discovery. See that photo? That’s what kids do! It’s the time our children begin to uncover who they are and begin a life-long journey of celebration and acceptance. It’s the time they begin to come into their own. Why on earth would any parent want to rob their child of such a pivotal and important time?

Why on earth would any parent purchase a liposuction voucher for her 7-year-old daughter as a Christmas gift saying, “She asks for surgery all the time. She wants to look good and lipo is one of those procedures that will always come in handy. I see these vouchers as investing in her future — like saving money for her education.”

According to Mommyish, this is the same woman who promised her daughter a boob job for her seventh birthday. Yes, you did read that right. A boob job at 7!

As a parent, I intentionally refrain from using the words parenting and fail in the same sentence. In this instance, however, there are no other words to describe this parent’s actions.

With parent fails like these is it any wonder that  7 in 10 young girls feel they’re not good enough or  like they don’t measure up to standards about looks and image?

As a parent, I shake my head in disgust. As a mother, my heart breaks not just for the 7-year-old girl but also for her mother. Anyone who proudly acknowledges herself as “The Human Barbie” because of her love of plastic surgery is obviously looking for acceptance and love. It is my hope that she and her daughter find it.

Dove’s Self-Esteem Weekend – Love in Action

 

Imagine a hotel suite full of tween girls. Think dancing, fashion shows, makeup, crazy-esque pool side manner and of course, mani/pedi action. Think girly giggles, and fast-paced sentences peppered with variations of the words like, no way or omg! Yes, think 12 sugar-amped tweens rocking out to hit songs like Whip My Hair and Friday.

Yes, I know you’re thinking I’m an absolute nut! And I’m not altogether denying your assessment. In fact, I’m inclined to agree with you. But before you write me off too quickly, here are a few things you should consider:

• 20-40% of girls begin dieting at age 10
• 59% of 5-12 grade girls, in one study, were dissatisfied with their body shape
• Between 5th and 9th grade, gifted girls begin to hide their accomplishments because being “smart isn’t sexy.”
• 7 in 10 young girls feel they aren’t good enough or don’t measure up to standards about looks and image
• 25% of girls with low self-esteem engage in negative behaviors like cutting, injuring one’s self, and eating disorders.
• 62% of girls are insecure

The reality is that even with all of the phenomenal strides women continue to make, young girls continue to fall prey to insecurity, negative behaviors and faulty thinking. Societal messages in the form of commercials, videos, movies and the like, continue to huff, puff  and blow against the fragile walls in the heart of young girls.

Let’s work to change that, shall we?

I plan to partner with Dove and take this pledge. Not only because I’m a mother of a tween daughter but because I remember what being 12 felt like. Not liking my long legs, despising my dark skin and feeling like descriptions such as “beautiful” would always be outside of my reach.

I want my daughter and her friends to know that smart IS sexy, that long legs are divine and that no matter what your skin looks like, beauty is yours now and always.

Won’t you join me?