Raising Civil Siblings – Yes, It’s Possible.

Raising civil siblings isn’t something you try, it’s something you commit to do–day after day after day. It’s certainly not the easiest path to travel but it’s definitely, the one that’s worth it. - How to Raise Siblings that Actually Like Each Other, November 14

Siblings that Like Each Other? Yes. It’s Possible

Welcome back!! In the last installment of how the heck do I get my kids to like each other, we learned that while every family has a unique make up, there are some pretty easy things that parents can do to foster a better relationship between siblings. And by easy, I mean it’s not rocket science; but it does require some elbow grease, tenacity and a willingness to ask AND answer tough questions about your parenting style. The only constant is change; but the only path to truth is honesty.

Let’s jump right in and learn about the things we can do to help our children create positive, meaningful relationships with their siblings.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. It’s not just a song

Unlike most jobs, parenting is a 25-hour/8-day a week job. This means on any given day, it’s easy for us to be tired, burnt out, feel overwhelmed, frustrated or angry. What are you driving at Selena? Ever make an honest mistake and then have someone royally ream you out for it…in front of others? Didn’t feel too good afterward, did ya? Well, think about the cute little whirlwind you just snapped at for yelling or screaming, only to find out they actually hurt themselves or had something important to say? It happens…to all of us. Respect is something our children learn from US! You snapped at one of them unjustly? Apologize. Did you shout at one child in front of the others? Apologize in front of the others. If you don’t respect them, how can you expect them to respect their siblings?

Families that play together

Repeat after me: I will never get too old or be too busy to play with my kids. Parents: that needs to be your mantra. Kids express themselves and learn about life through play. If your little one is scared of monsters under the bed, get you a sword (light sabers or paper towel rolls work too) and fight those things to the death! Are they pretending to drive in NASCAR? Grab a frisbee or plastic plate, sit along side and vrrroooom your way to the finish line. If you do it with them, they’re so much likely to do with their siblings. Better yet, invite them all to play a game that the entire family can share in. Them vs. you. You’ll be surprised at how much they actually love to beat you at something. Yes, dads, that does mean you may have to let them win. (wink)

It’s all about ME

When my teens were little they shared a room. They were already so close, I didn’t have the heart to separate them. There was one thing I insisted on, they have their ME time. And ME time is?  ME time is just what it sounds like a time that’s all about your child. They play what they want, how they want and they don’t have to share…a thing…ever. The more ME time I gave the duo, the more they began playing with each other. And if one tried to violate the other’s ME time, I stepped in right away.  Teaching our kids to honor boundaries does wonders for helping them honor each other’s.

Well there you have it, 6 steps on how to raise your children to like their siblings. If you missed the first part, read it here. As I said, it’s not rocket science. It certainly isn’t an easy road to travel; but it’s definitely, absolutely, worth traveling.

How do you help or raise your kids to like each other? Share your tips in the comments.

Velcro and Baby Poop: How NBC’s The Office Saved My Mother’s Day

Journal Entry: Friday, May 11 10:42am - Today I woke up feeling bleh. No reason in particular. It happens. Typically, I’m bouncing for joy for one reason or another. But today feels different. I feel unusually sad. Like an invisible hand slapped me into a reality I cannot escape. Words that normally ring in the ears of my heart grow eerily silent as waves of gratitude recede from the shores of my soul. I imagine this is what barrenness feels like: empty silence. 

Journal Entry: Saturday, May 12 9:04 pm - I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much. She’s dying. No, not the kind of dying where it at least gives you time to prepare to say your goodbyes. Not the kind of dying that gives you a sense of feeling like you can have closure, even if it’s imagined and enacted by my own selfish desires. She is dying. Right now. Right this minute. And inside, I feel the walls of my kingdom collapsing. She’s a few days shy of her 27th wedding anniversary. It’s time like this that I secretly wish rage would pay me a visit…this silence is killing me.

By far, this weekend was probably the toughest I’ve encountered in a while. After learning of my relative’s condition, I decided: Mother’s Day was canceled. There’d be no trip to Coldstone’s Ice Creamery. No trip to Mom’s to celebrate. No gifts exchanged. No joy. Just silence. If that was going to be her fate; it was definitely going to be mine also.

It was my full intention to barricade myself in my room, watch movies all night and feign sickness the next day so that I wouldn’t hurt my family’s feelings when I announced Mother’s Day was over. I had it all figured out. Then I started catching up on the Office. 

First, am I the only one who didn’t know Jim and Pam had another baby?!! I just about hit the floor when I saw Dr. Who’s Donna Noble eating a taco by pouring its contents into her mouth! (How bad is it that I have no idea what her name is on the show?) But what really made me laugh was when Jim ripped Dwight’s velcro-suit off him and ran. I think I laughed for about 20 minutes before I could continue watching the episode.

All in all, I watched about 3 hours worth of Office episodes and you know what? The silence lifted. I heard myself asking is Kelly seriously dating the hottie from Heroes?! Is Angela kissing Dwight in the paternity clinic?? !  Of course, that got me laughing even harder all over again and again and again.

Why I wrote this post:  Pain happens. Grief happens. It hits hard and pulls no punches. You cry. You ache. You bleed. Isolating yourself as a means to coping with pain or loss seems like the ideal solution–it isn’t. You’re going to find that sometimes when you can’t reach out because silence traps you inside a shell of yourself,  laughter is the best medicine. Find a funny video, photo or keepsake that never ceases to put a smile in your heart. You never know when you’ll need it.

P.S.

My Mother’s Day was a smashing success: Brunch. Coldstone’s. Moscato Champagne. Once Upon a Time. Sherlock Holmes. Hugs. Kisses. Gifts and lots of laughter.

WWF Smackdown – Why I Sometimes Let ‘Em Duke it Out

You WHAT?!!! Yes, I know. Some of you are already in an uproar and that’s perfectly fine. But if you hang with me for a few moments, I will prove to you why sometimes, letting your children figure things out on their own is the BEST thing you, as a parent, will ever do. Now, let’s go back in time. The year 2008.

Her: Mom!! He hit me.

Me: Stop hitting your sister.

Him: well, she threw her bra at me; that’s like an act of war.

Me: don’t throw your bra at your brother.

Her: well, he said girls suck.

Him: well, it’s true.

Her: is NOT!

Him: is TOO!

Me: STOP it both of you!!

Them: geez, Mom. You’re really cranky.

Did you catch that? I was the CRANKY one even though this had been going on for 30 minutes!! THIRTY MINUTES! I thought for sure that resolving my children’s issues was what I was supposed to do. Instead, I was labeled as cranky and then the two of them had the audacity to start laughing and carrying on as though the last 30 minutes never even took place! That year I learned a valuable lesson: just like with adults, conflict resolution is a natural part of life and if we as parents are too quick to try to handle problems for our children, we stunt their ability to resolve situations on their own. Plus, they’re not really looking for our help. Fast forward to April 2011.

Him: hiiiiiiyaaaaaahhhhh!! *loud thud, followed by a scream* My son has run across the room, jumped onto my daughter and now has her pinned on the dining room floor.

Her: Mommeeeee. *giggles and belly laughs* Tell him to get off of me! Owww. *more giggles* He’s hurting me.

Him: take back you what you said!

Her: NEVER!

Him: take it back!

Her: stopppp! Get off me!

For 10 minutes I listened to my screaming daughter and stubborn son go back and forth with their taunts and cries for Mommy to intervene. This was my chance to put into practice the lesson, I’d learned about 3 years ago. I narrowed my eyes, glaring at my teens. I took off my earrings, rolled up my sleeves and stomped into the dining room.

Him: say you’re sorry. *giggles*

Her: get off me!! Mommeeeee. *giggles*

Clearly there was only one thing left to do: I dropped to my knees and banged my hand on the floor. One! I shouted. Two! I shouted. Three. I shouted. We have a new WWF Champion, ladies and gentleman. I grabbed my son’s arm and declared him the victor; then I left the room. To say they were stunned would be an understatement but it proved to be the best laugh, I’d had all day!

So, there you have it. I let them duke it out and got a much needed laugh in the process! Two teens. One lesson. Not bad Mommy. Not bad at all!

Thanks for visiting.