Things My Children Taught Me About Love

 

Love Lessons Learned

Hello and welcome to the Cochran Insanity-Laugh-Til-It-Hurts hour with your host Selena Cochran and her wanna be trusty sidekicks Obi Malcolm Wan Kenobi and Princess Riah, illustrious ruler of Bratz Barbie kingdom.

In this segment, your Most Awesome Head Mommy of the Universe will discuss what her sidekicks taught her about love. And now, heeeeeeeeeeere’s Selena!

Ok, this is where someone ought to yell CUT!! Now, where were we? Ah yes, lessons about love.

Being a parent, I’ve had the splendiferous (yes, that’s a word) privilege of raising 2 of the biggest, most awesome pain in the tucus children this side of heaven. I’ve laughed til I’ve cried and cried til I couldn’t do anything else. But throughout this treasure of a journey, I’ve learned a few important lessons along the way. And now, God only knows why I’m passing this wisdom on to you so you’ll think twice about having kids pass these gems along to others you know. Here goes…

Lesson #1: It’s Gonna Cost You

Obi: can I play superhero with you?

Riah: sure but your Batman’s gotta wear this pink thing on his head, house rules.

For those of you who haven’t heard already, love COSTS something. Whether it’s swallowing your pride and offering an apology (even when you’re not at fault) or learning to place someone’s needs, wants and feelings above your own: loving someone isn’t easy. And more often than not it means you’ve got to give something up . As the saying goes, love maybe free but it sure ain’t cheap!

Lesson #2: Be Patient

Riah: can I borrow this pencil?

Obi: Sure. (3 seconds later) You done yet?

We all have those moments where we want our loved ones, spouses or even children to hurry up and “be” who we think they should be or “do” what we think they should do. We tend to forget that our special ones–just like everything else in life–can only grow or reach their optimal potential through life’s processes–not ours. Remember, no matter how much you water a plant it will only blossom when it’s time.

Lesson #3: Answer Softly

Obi: hey! You spit food on my shoe!!

Riah: (laughing hysterically) My bad!

Obi: yeah, I know it’s bad but what does have to do with me?!?

Riah: (shrugs shoulders) good question.

In too many instances, we trample on the feelings, thoughts and beliefs of loved ones. For many of us it’s habit; for others it’s intentional. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, casting aside other’s feelings serves one purpose: to glorify self. Love does not live on a pedestal. Love–real love–is the absence of self-preservation. It means showering others with the same courtesies and respect that you demand for yourself.

And so I leave you with these final thoughts….

“Love is patient and is kind. Love does not envy nor does it boast–it does not parade itself nor is it puffed up. Love does not behave rudely; it does not rejoice when another falls but it rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. LOVE NEVER FAILS.”

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

My Name is Selena and I Have Man Envy…

Your Man Envy Is Showing

Good Day Blogger Friends and Family!

It’s been way too long since my last post and now that I’ve settled into my CRAZY schedule my posts will be a lot more regular…ahem, your honor I’d like that stricken from the record on the grounds that it might contaminate the jury.

Now onto the topic of the day.

I, phenomenal woman and scholar; splendid beauty and poet, magnificent handi-work of the Holy One, sure can brag on myself, can’t I? I, Selena, have Man Envy and apparently, it’s showing. Want to know what Man Envy is? Hmph. So would I. Well, keep on reading and when you find out, PLEASE let me know. So, here’s how it really went down…

Okay so Obi MalcolmWanKenobi’ s been going on and on about how he’s “becoming a man.” For the last few months actually and frankly I was really only left with one choice–I had to ignore him. I mean really. The boy’s only 12! How many boys become men at 12??? Exactly. Anyway, we’re on our way back from church and I leaned in to give him a hug and well, the rest is history…

 

Me: oh wow, honey are those hairs on your face?

 

Him: uh yeah. I told you I was becoming a man. See? You’re always neglecting me. What kind of mother are you?!

 

Me: the kind of mother that insists that you stop using her mascara brush to darken those fuzzy things you call hair! Uh hello! That stuff is expensive!

 

Him: you know what your problem is? You have Man Envy! That’s why you’re always hating on my man hairs.

 

Me: what?!?

 

Him: yeah I said it. You have Man Envy Mom. And it’s showing!!

 

So there it is in a nutshell. I have Man Envy and apparently it’s showing!! LOL!!

 

Love. For Real.

When we climb off that pedestal that we so often erect in our honor…

When we pause to consider the convictions of those around us even when they conflict with our own…

When we decline to hide the ugly truths in our hearts in hopes of maintaining a deified facade…

When we learn once and for all that no matter where we’re from, we can’t get to where we’re going alone…

When we insist that what hurts one of us, hurts us all…

When we finally accept that hate is not a race thing, but an unholy thing…

When we do these, we cease to objectify the very thing meant to save souls and invoke hope. We cease to settle for journeys riddled with the hustles and bustles of “doing” love; and instead, embark on the ultimate quest to love, for real.

Truth: love never grows cold. If it does, it was never love to begin with.

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

Sex, Babies and Stupid Lying Storks!

So, there’s no disclaimer with this entry, just good ‘ole fashioned “Momma’s telling everything” kind of fun!!

For new visitors, I have a 2 beautiful children. Adorable. Intelligent. And side-splittingly funny! Here’s the latest from one MalcolmWan Kenobi.

I can’t talk about it…

So, Malcolm and his aunt were talking about birthdays and why he wasn’t born on June 30th *giggles* like the doctors predicted. The following *amp giggles* is a true conversation. On my best day, I couldn’t come up with this stuff!

A little background to help you understand why I’m already laughing and I haven’t even finished the post. A few weeks ago, we had Open Mic night in our house and the topic of the night was da da dommm sex, babies and how the 2 topics are related. See, my children thought one had nothing to do with the other. Hahaha, yes that’s another post entirely! But just keep in mind that they learned about sex and how babies are born. Now onto the fun…

Mal: so you’re birthdays on the 30th huh? Did you know I was supposed to be born on the 30th?

Aunt:   No Malcolm I didn’t. she’s totally lying and trying to keep a straight face. Why don’t you tell me all about it?

Mal: well, there isn’t much to tell. I was happy where I was, comfortable even. yes, he actually said that.  So I decided to sleep in.

Aunt: You slept in??

Mal: oh yeah. I mean given the alternative, what else could I do? I mean yuck!

Aunt: laughing hysterically. What alternative?

Mal: you know, coming out….out of there…aunt feigns ignorance. you know there??

Aunt: still laughing. No Malcolm. I don’t know. What’s there mean?

Mal: red-faced and exasperated.  From THERE, Auntie!! You know what I mean!

Aunt: almost on the floor laughing.  No, honey, tell me!

Mal: crossed arms and stiff back. Auntie there are some things a man just shouldn’t talk about. Somethings are just to traumatic to relive. Don’t take me back there, Auntie. Don’t take me back. head is hung, shoulders dropped. aunt is doubled over laughing. Stupid, lying stork! Humph! marches out of the kitchen, arms folded across his chest and nose in the air.

Needless to say, I laughed for about 10 minutes.  The stork is a liar!! Hahaha, how awesome is that??? That’s what I call “classic Malcolm.”

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

The Weight

It seems my posts are not coming as frequently as I’d like. It’s certainly not for lack of material, topics or even momentum. I’m in an abundant supply of all those and more. In actualilty, I’ve never felt more alive, more full and more talkative. So, then what’s the cause of my sporadic silence? Read on…

For every call, purpose, promise and journey we accept in life, there is a weight and a cost to be paid. And if you’re like me, sometimes that weight bears you down so mightily that you find yourself at a loss for everything. You cease to move even though your limbs are in pristine working order. You seek out isolation even though you’re the go-to-gal in all that you do. You tremble and shiver even though it’s almost 90 degrees outdoors. Why? Because when the weight of what the Father is asking of you in this season becomes a reality, all you can think about is doing anything that might help distract or ease the force of its weight.

See, you realize–once and for all–that your life is not your own. Your hopes, dreams and especially your will, don’t belong to you. If indeed you are a people called by His name then words like me, my and mine cease to exist. Here’s how that really translates. When you feel like telling your boss, your instructor or your some other person in authority over you how you REALLY feel about their leadership style YOU DON’T. Instead, you repent, offer up sincere prayers on their behalf AND you assist them in whatever capacity is needed. You don’t complain, gossip about it to your friends (under the guise of praying for the individual) or grumble. You will smile, pray and endure because the weight of what God is calling you to in this season is too great to be put on hold for the foolish, petty things of the flesh.

That supervisor, pastor or CEO doesn’t need your neck rolling-hand-on-hip-having-attitude, he or she needs you to stand in the seat of righteousness–to be Christ’s mirror of unconditional love, patience, kindness, meekness, gentleness and self-control. They need the fruit of the spirit, not the fruit of your lips.

Harsh? A little bit in your face? Welcome to my world. Better still, welcome to the world of worshipping in spirit and in truth. People are dying for someone to love on them; aching for someone to act like they care; waiting for someone to take their position as the heirs of the Most High God. We are who they’re waiting for. People of God, it is time to arise!

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

Blissfully Grateful

In the midst of economic downturns, downsizes and downward spirals or paths of life, I’ve made up my mind to be blissfully grateful for the woman I’ve become, the qualities I possess and the faith that sustains me through it all.

To the untrained eye I look young–real young. Some say 20, 25 even 30. No one ever believes I’ll be 40 in a few years. But to those with a keen eye, look closely. There in the lines adorning the outskirts of my eyes–in the 3 strands of grey hairs that accent my crown–you’ll see me: fierce, supple and simple.

I’ve lived through many battles and sustained deep wounds. But thanks to the power of unfailing love and healing, I am renewed in the inner place beyond measure. I dream it and I do it. I speak it and I believe it. I run–not walk. Glide not stutter. I soar like eagles; majesty and beauty flow in and through me. I am endowed with the power to believe in the intangible, the impossible and the invisible.

It is this power that compels me to sing praises and whisper thanks not for what I’ve been through but for who I am as a result. I am blissfully grateful for life, the freedom to love and the power of faith.

What are you grateful for??

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

Got Dreams?

Dream jobs, spouses, weight loss, clothes, health, children, even money: we want it all.

We want all the biggest and the best life has to offer us. And why not? We work hard.

But what good is wanting these things–these fruits–if we’re not willing to embark on the journey required to get there?

The journey isn’t easy but wanting–hoping–for change without the courage to make it happen will yield only one thing: nothing.

Be true to yourself: regardless of what you want make the decision to take the necessary steps to ensure your hope and dreams become a reality.

You can have what you desire; you just have to be willing to go and get it. 

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

Batman vs. Bratz: A Saga is Born

Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away–original aren’t I–an intergalactic battle of epic proportions ignited, pitting mother against father or in this case da da dommm brother against sister. The battle for superhero supremeness was in full swing.

In his navy blue hooded bathrobe, the Most High Obi-won’t-you-be-sad-when-my-Batman-smokes-your-stupid-Bratz stood fearless with his blue light saber in hand. The master jedi was prepared to wage war. His oppononent the Supreme Princess-my-Bratz-can-too-beat-your-stupid-Batman sat calmly on her pink and green throne chair, poised to attack at any moment.

Eyes glared. Mouths snarled. The air was tense and the trash-talking was da da dommm shocking! And in one swift fail swoop move, Round 1 of the Superhero saga went to I bet you thought I was gonna tell you, didn’t you? Well, read on…

Obi: So, Princess you think your Bratz is better than my Batman do you? I’ll fix that with one wave of my hand. waves hand

Pri: uh, was that supposed to actually do something? Or does that mean you give up?

Obi: ha! Not a chance. My powers are too strong for you. Batman is better than Bratz, say it. waves hand again

Pri: hmm, i think…nope, he’s not

Obi: waves both hands Batman is bett-

Pri: yawns Not even close

Obi: switches on his light saber and points it at the Princess How about now?!

Pri: smiles and turns to her drawer; rifles through it and pulls something out. You have til the count of 2 before I throw this at you…one

Obi: laughs mockingly Is that your weapon? A shirt?!? continues to laugh

Pri: it’s my bra…two she pulls her hand back

Obi: panicked and disgusted, he drops his light saber and flees from the princess eeeeyyyaaaaa he’s screaming like a girl Momm–meeeeeee

In that way the victor was decided: Princess-my-bra-trumps-light-saber-any-day was free to reign over BratzBarbie Galaxy.

Disclaimer: this story is absolutely fictional. Any similiarities between these characters and those in real life who might possibly have names like Malcolm or Sariah are strictly COINCIDENTAL. wink, wink. No really. No such event has ever taken place in my home or any galaxy for that matter which is why the names in this story have been changed to protect the guilty the innocent. And another thing, there are plenty of 12-year-old boys who scream like girls…so there’s no shame. But since this story is ficitional, just disregard that last sentence.

Thanks for visiting,

 Selena

 

I’m Baaaack! Have I Got A Story For You…

According to my calculations and the calendar on WordPress, it’s been 35 days since my last post. Hmm. 35 days seems like an eternity. Okay, I’m exaggerating . It felt more like, oh somewhere upwards of 70 days. Nope 75. Yes, 75 days…for sure… definitely…at least. I know because for everyone of those 75 fictious days, my perfectionist-my-way-or-no-way persona reigned like a queen…of terror.

I was mOoOdy, sNapPy and let’s not forget determined to prevail against everything from sleep to prayer and meditation. You should’ve seen me, I had more fight in me than Ali had against Foreman. Too bad I was fighting against the wrong side. Doh!

In all my “getting it while the getting’s good” I lost sight of the real reason I’d prevailed to within two months of my graduation date and finally achieving Summa Cum Laude, grace. Not just any grace–HIS grace.

When I started this quest almost 3 years ago, I didn’t have a clue about anything. I lacked direction and wisdom. But through continual prayer, renewal of my mind and standing on a solid foundation that didn’t move with the tides or the times, I was able to transcend old mindsets, habits and fearful forebodings. I no longer played the same tired messages to myself: you can’t, you won’t be able too, you’re too old, you’re not, you should’ve, etc. You name it, I owned it. And not just the single. I owned the albums, the remakes and all of the new and improved remixes. Too bad I couldn’t collect royalty off those songs; I’d be stinking rich! Well, maybe not stinking…I digress. Truth be told, I’d be a heaping mess of all of the selfs: pity, loathing, destruction and sabotage, if it had not been for grace.

I’m many things– a mother, teacher, leader, poet, writer, friend, sister, aunt, orator, mentor, graduate, scholar, achiever–but I KNOW what I’m not: capable of coming this far on my own. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my 30-something years of living it’s this:  you give honor where honor is truly due. Yes, there were many people who encouraged and helped me along the way: friends, eWeezie, co-workers and even some of you; and it meant a great deal (and still does). But at the end of the day, my help and strength came straight from the throne of Grace–straight from the breath of Heaven. And in those intimate encounters–those blissful exchanges of my fear for His strength, my doubt for His faith and my anger for His peace –I was empowered to press forward just a little bit more. I was renewed to walk the talk just a little bit longer. I was armed and ready for whatever would come my way.

I’ve shared all of this because…hmm, why am I sharing this again? Oh yes, I’m back and I made it. I’m sorry. I meant to say

I MADE IT!!!

And if I can do it there’s no reason on this planet–or any other for that matter–why you can’t too! Grab hold of your dreams and get to work. Grace is on your side and that’s a win-win-win any way you slice it. So, what are you waiting for?

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

A Thistle to Remember…

I sat in our circle and didn’t feel anything. Then the director got up and walked over to a woman sitting near me and started braiding her hair. That is when I felt something growing in me, and I wanted to sing. Of course, the feeling was love. I had never sat in such a circle; and I amazed as I watched her go to the next woman’s hair, judging no one and being one of us. It was a comfort to all the people in the circle be part of it. The circle was soothing and intimate, and it is changing my heart.

 

Every now and again, I’m privileged to come across a poem, story or book that touches me–changes me-unexpectedly.

I say unexpectedly because although I didn’t know what to expect from the book, I didn’t anticipate that it would challenge me-call me on the carpet-about how I live and how I love others.

But that’s exactly what happened when I read Find Your Way Home by the Women of Magdalene with Becca Stevens.

Comprised of personal thoughts, experiences and affirming life lessons, Find Your Way Home speaks to the healing power of love and the cleansing touch of hope. It serves as a reminder that regardless of our pasts-of our inner pain-of where we’ve been, true love in the form of service to others can and will mend wounds. And if it is to start anywhere, it must start in us. 

I think my old self felt there was so much pain with not much to gain. I felt the harsh words of others that held no grace. It left me feeling like there was no place to feel the peace of God. Now I can be loved and love without judgment…  

For many of these women, learning and living the truth of loving one’s self is half the battle. We all have pasts or things we’ve done in our lives that we’re ashamed of. But the Women of Magdalene are learning what took me almost a decade to fully embrace: I am NOT my past nor am I bound by the wrongs I’ve committed. And in spite of anything I’ve been through I am worthy of love and respect.

There is no shortcut on the spiritual path. The journey to wholeness is lifelong.

While the stories and experiences are birthed from women recovering from drug addiction, prostitution, sexual abuse and violence, the crux of their stories remains the same: I was lost and in pain but now I found my way home. And what a home it is.

At no cost, Magdalene offers women a safe, disciplined and compassionate residential community for two years and stands as a witness to the truth that in the end, love is more powerful than all forces that drive women to the streets. Founded in Nashville, Tennessee in 1997, Magdalene stands in defiance of a culture that buys and sells women like commodities and seeks to change the culture itself from within. Through Thistle Farms–a non-profit bath and body product business operated by the women of Magdalene–the women gain needed job skills while learning responsibility and cooperation.

• Find Your Way Home is a thought provoking and inspirational read. It’ll kiss at the heart of compassion that lives in us all and ask if you too, are doing all you can to help those around you. You’ll cry, cheer and share in the highs and lows of the women’s stories. In the end, you’ll be better–stronger–for it.  I am encouraged and renewed in my decision to share the profound simplicity of love with those around me.

Women of Magdalene, I salute you. You are an inspiration to those who will come after you. Becca Stevens, thank you for reminding us that love still heals and is still needed.

Thanks for visiting,

Selena