Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Just Show Me The Money!!

Yes. I said it. At some point in time or another, we all do. You disagree?

Remember when you were a kid and your parent or guardian was attempting to educate you on the finer points of life lessons like patience, integrity or character? On the outside you were nodding your head but on the inside you were thinking “can we just skip all this nonsense and get to the good stuff already??”

Isn’t it funny that even as adults not that much has changed?

We all want to bypass the hurdles, aches and torrential winds that come with life’s storms. Who wouldn’t? Why would anyone want to endure the torment that ensues from a hard lesson learned? Or endure the pain of a careless decision rendered or a long awaited yes turned no? No one would. But that doesn’t mean the process isn’t necessary.

“Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it cannot bear any fruit…“

All of our potential–the secret power we’ve yet to discover and release–is locked within us. Without the right conditions or pressures from life, hidden is exactly how our potential will remain.

The legacy of the seed is powerful. On the outside, all we see is the one seed–the one lesson that has to be learned, the one hurdle we cannot seem to overcome or the one desire (or dream) that seems to elude us.  But on the inside of the seed, lives the potential for countless trees that’ll span generations. 1 seed has the potential to become a forest.

I implore you: stay the course and don’t give up.

Regardless of what your inner struggle is there are no short cuts on this journey. We all have a cross–a pain–that we must bear in order for the priceless gems that we hold within us to truly shine. The good news is, you’re not alone.

“I cried out to the Lord and He heard my cries and delivered me from all of my fears…”

Thanks for visiting,
Selena

 

And Still…A Proud Momma

You’ve heard the verse: …train them up in the way they should go and they will not depart from it. Recently, this scripture took on new meaning for me and caused me to pause and revel at the truth of its words.

My son came to me–without my help–and openly shared something that he’d been hiding from me. He knew that my knowledge of this thing would certainly result in a harsh and swift punishment for him. Still, he came to me and told me.

At first, I was livid!! Then I was angry!! And in the end, I was disappointed. I knew he had so much more potential than he gave himself credit for. I was beginning to feel as though I’d failed him.

But then Truth spoke and reminded me of a few things…

While I had the right to be disappointed, I was missing out on a more splendid truth: my son came to me, knowing he’d have to pay the consequence. And still, he chose to do the right thing simply because it was the right thing to do!When I meditated on that simple fact, my disappointment melted and all that remained was a profound sense of pride. My little boy is becoming a young man of integrity and character–a young man who can put some adult men to shame. And I couldn’t be more proud to be his mother.

In the wake of disappointment, we must remember there is always a silver lining worth celebrating. Children are human. Like us, they’re not perfect and they make mistakes. We owe it to them to see beyond their faults and celebrate the power of the word at work in them.

So, I told Master Obi MalcolmWan Kenobi that I was proud of him for being a young man of integrity and character. I told him that it was an honor to be his Mom and the time had come for him to stop beating himself up about his mistake {because like us, children condemn themselves} and take action to correct it. He’s still on punishment and I still feel a tinge of disappointment; but I’m more proud of him now than I ever have been.

Funny how truth changes your perspective, don’t ya think?

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

Nothing like the ‘C’ Word to Set Things Straight!

Ruh???

Did your Scooby Doo persona come alive too??

There’s a ‘C’ word that sets things striaight? Absolutely!!

I’m sure you realize by now that the ‘C’ word is NOT the 4-letter one that makes women’s blood boil but the 13-letter one that challenges you to stop taking the easy road: confrontation.

“Confront your neighbors directly, so you do not share in their guilt.” ~ Leviticus 19: 17

Confrontation was one of those things I steered clear from. I’d avoid it like the plague whenever possible. And when it wasn’t possible, I’d tip toe around the pink elephant in the room in hopes of keeping the peace. You know that old saying if it ain’t broke don’t fix it? Well, what I didn’t realize is that by adopting this “avoid it at all costs” mentality, I was actually helping to perpetuate the situation–helping to keep it alive. I was just as guilty–just as responsible–for the situation as the other person was.

When we see something that’s wrong and fail to–at the very least–voice our objections, we condone the very act that we despise. When we willfully allow others to use manipulative methods like guilt, self-pity or anger to control us, we’re doing more than “keeping the peace,” we’re sending the message it’s acceptable to mistreat, disrespect or use us at leisure. Now, I don’t know about you, but that’s NOT the message I want to send to anyone.

Confrontation is never easy. Having the courage to say “no more” or “I’m not going to let you treat me that way,” is a hard thing to do but the alternative is worse. Either we correct the problem or we condone it. The only person who can make the choice is you!

You don’t have to allow others to lord over you, bully you or pressure you into doing (or not doing) something. Whether they are controlling family members or unruly persons in authority over you, you have the right to confront the situation and refuse to allow others’ behaviors to continue to have power over you.

Thanks for visiting!

Selena

 

Fight the Fight…

I contend not with men and their rhetoric, but with self and its defiance to the greatness that is alive in me. I contend not with the debates of ideals, philosophies or idle banter of religious superiority, but with flesh and its insistence that I accept today as though it were the defining standard of tomorrow. I contend not with society’s woes or its flagrant hedonistic proclivities, but with the rampant portrayals of self-degradation, gender emasculation and the rejection of tolerance and love. I contend… daily… not against men of flesh and blood but against the ideology that good is enough, love is irrelevant and the hope of something profound is all but dead. I contend… daily… not against women of flesh and blood but against lies that seek to define me—restrict me—to ‘my place’ as a single woman, lover or friend. I contend, daily. It’s me vs. them—one of these will die and it ain’t gonna be me. ~ a Speak2It original

Every now and again, we as people–as a nation–as the orchestrators of this journey we call life need to be reminded of what we’re really fighting against. It’s so easy to point the finger at others and blame them for whatever our issue of the moment is. If only they’d stop coming to this country… or why don’t they just stop saying God in the pledge… Yes, it’s easy to lump those who grate on our nerves with those who offend and downright out frustrate us. We all too often lump transgressors and naysayers into a ’one size fits all’ category. However, this is where it becomes important to remember one thing: we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities. What does that mean?

It means the enemy we fight is often times an enemy we can not see. It means instead of looking to place blame on our bretheren–because we’re all in this thing together–we stop and take a moment to exam ourselves.  It means that instead of fighting fire with fire, we get out the extinguisher and kill the flame of dissension once and for all. It means our weapon is love.

Renew your mind and fight the fight against mediocrity, complacency, intolerance and indifference.

Thanks for visiting!

 

 

Confidence is BEAUTIFUL and So Are You!!

Confidence + You = Beauty

Confidence isn’t something that’s sold in a jar. It’s released–from within–as self-truths, discoveries and acceptances are embraced. Confidence changes how you walk into a room, how you speak and even how you think. It’s magnetic and boldly declares to those near and far: I KNOW my worth and my value; and regardless of what you think of me, I LOVE who I am. THAT is beauty at its finest.

Beauty starts with self-acceptance and self-acceptance breeds confidence. We all have flaws or cracks in our armor; but it doesn’t have to define how we think and feel about ourselves. Love yourself. Trust yourself. Forgive yourself. And most important honor yourself–you’re worth it.

Thanks for visiting!

 

 

Things My Children Taught Me About Love

 

Love Lessons Learned

Hello and welcome to the Cochran Insanity-Laugh-Til-It-Hurts hour with your host Selena Cochran and her wanna be trusty sidekicks Obi Malcolm Wan Kenobi and Princess Riah, illustrious ruler of Bratz Barbie kingdom.

In this segment, your Most Awesome Head Mommy of the Universe will discuss what her sidekicks taught her about love. And now, heeeeeeeeeeere’s Selena!

Ok, this is where someone ought to yell CUT!! Now, where were we? Ah yes, lessons about love.

Being a parent, I’ve had the splendiferous (yes, that’s a word) privilege of raising 2 of the biggest, most awesome pain in the tucus children this side of heaven. I’ve laughed til I’ve cried and cried til I couldn’t do anything else. But throughout this treasure of a journey, I’ve learned a few important lessons along the way. And now, God only knows why I’m passing this wisdom on to you so you’ll think twice about having kids pass these gems along to others you know. Here goes…

Lesson #1: It’s Gonna Cost You

Obi: can I play superhero with you?

Riah: sure but your Batman’s gotta wear this pink thing on his head, house rules.

For those of you who haven’t heard already, love COSTS something. Whether it’s swallowing your pride and offering an apology (even when you’re not at fault) or learning to place someone’s needs, wants and feelings above your own: loving someone isn’t easy. And more often than not it means you’ve got to give something up . As the saying goes, love maybe free but it sure ain’t cheap!

Lesson #2: Be Patient

Riah: can I borrow this pencil?

Obi: Sure. (3 seconds later) You done yet?

We all have those moments where we want our loved ones, spouses or even children to hurry up and “be” who we think they should be or “do” what we think they should do. We tend to forget that our special ones–just like everything else in life–can only grow or reach their optimal potential through life’s processes–not ours. Remember, no matter how much you water a plant it will only blossom when it’s time.

Lesson #3: Answer Softly

Obi: hey! You spit food on my shoe!!

Riah: (laughing hysterically) My bad!

Obi: yeah, I know it’s bad but what does have to do with me?!?

Riah: (shrugs shoulders) good question.

In too many instances, we trample on the feelings, thoughts and beliefs of loved ones. For many of us it’s habit; for others it’s intentional. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, casting aside other’s feelings serves one purpose: to glorify self. Love does not live on a pedestal. Love–real love–is the absence of self-preservation. It means showering others with the same courtesies and respect that you demand for yourself.

And so I leave you with these final thoughts….

“Love is patient and is kind. Love does not envy nor does it boast–it does not parade itself nor is it puffed up. Love does not behave rudely; it does not rejoice when another falls but it rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. LOVE NEVER FAILS.”

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

My Name is Selena and I Have Man Envy…

Your Man Envy Is Showing

Good Day Blogger Friends and Family!

It’s been way too long since my last post and now that I’ve settled into my CRAZY schedule my posts will be a lot more regular…ahem, your honor I’d like that stricken from the record on the grounds that it might contaminate the jury.

Now onto the topic of the day.

I, phenomenal woman and scholar; splendid beauty and poet, magnificent handi-work of the Holy One, sure can brag on myself, can’t I? I, Selena, have Man Envy and apparently, it’s showing. Want to know what Man Envy is? Hmph. So would I. Well, keep on reading and when you find out, PLEASE let me know. So, here’s how it really went down…

Okay so Obi MalcolmWanKenobi’ s been going on and on about how he’s “becoming a man.” For the last few months actually and frankly I was really only left with one choice–I had to ignore him. I mean really. The boy’s only 12! How many boys become men at 12??? Exactly. Anyway, we’re on our way back from church and I leaned in to give him a hug and well, the rest is history…

 

Me: oh wow, honey are those hairs on your face?

 

Him: uh yeah. I told you I was becoming a man. See? You’re always neglecting me. What kind of mother are you?!

 

Me: the kind of mother that insists that you stop using her mascara brush to darken those fuzzy things you call hair! Uh hello! That stuff is expensive!

 

Him: you know what your problem is? You have Man Envy! That’s why you’re always hating on my man hairs.

 

Me: what?!?

 

Him: yeah I said it. You have Man Envy Mom. And it’s showing!!

 

So there it is in a nutshell. I have Man Envy and apparently it’s showing!! LOL!!

 

Love. For Real.

When we climb off that pedestal that we so often erect in our honor…

When we pause to consider the convictions of those around us even when they conflict with our own…

When we decline to hide the ugly truths in our hearts in hopes of maintaining a deified facade…

When we learn once and for all that no matter where we’re from, we can’t get to where we’re going alone…

When we insist that what hurts one of us, hurts us all…

When we finally accept that hate is not a race thing, but an unholy thing…

When we do these, we cease to objectify the very thing meant to save souls and invoke hope. We cease to settle for journeys riddled with the hustles and bustles of “doing” love; and instead, embark on the ultimate quest to love, for real.

Truth: love never grows cold. If it does, it was never love to begin with.

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

Sex, Babies and Stupid Lying Storks!

So, there’s no disclaimer with this entry, just good ‘ole fashioned “Momma’s telling everything” kind of fun!!

For new visitors, I have a 2 beautiful children. Adorable. Intelligent. And side-splittingly funny! Here’s the latest from one MalcolmWan Kenobi.

I can’t talk about it…

So, Malcolm and his aunt were talking about birthdays and why he wasn’t born on June 30th *giggles* like the doctors predicted. The following *amp giggles* is a true conversation. On my best day, I couldn’t come up with this stuff!

A little background to help you understand why I’m already laughing and I haven’t even finished the post. A few weeks ago, we had Open Mic night in our house and the topic of the night was da da dommm sex, babies and how the 2 topics are related. See, my children thought one had nothing to do with the other. Hahaha, yes that’s another post entirely! But just keep in mind that they learned about sex and how babies are born. Now onto the fun…

Mal: so you’re birthdays on the 30th huh? Did you know I was supposed to be born on the 30th?

Aunt:   No Malcolm I didn’t. she’s totally lying and trying to keep a straight face. Why don’t you tell me all about it?

Mal: well, there isn’t much to tell. I was happy where I was, comfortable even. yes, he actually said that.  So I decided to sleep in.

Aunt: You slept in??

Mal: oh yeah. I mean given the alternative, what else could I do? I mean yuck!

Aunt: laughing hysterically. What alternative?

Mal: you know, coming out….out of there…aunt feigns ignorance. you know there??

Aunt: still laughing. No Malcolm. I don’t know. What’s there mean?

Mal: red-faced and exasperated.  From THERE, Auntie!! You know what I mean!

Aunt: almost on the floor laughing.  No, honey, tell me!

Mal: crossed arms and stiff back. Auntie there are some things a man just shouldn’t talk about. Somethings are just to traumatic to relive. Don’t take me back there, Auntie. Don’t take me back. head is hung, shoulders dropped. aunt is doubled over laughing. Stupid, lying stork! Humph! marches out of the kitchen, arms folded across his chest and nose in the air.

Needless to say, I laughed for about 10 minutes.  The stork is a liar!! Hahaha, how awesome is that??? That’s what I call “classic Malcolm.”

Thanks for visiting,

Selena

 

The Weight

It seems my posts are not coming as frequently as I’d like. It’s certainly not for lack of material, topics or even momentum. I’m in an abundant supply of all those and more. In actualilty, I’ve never felt more alive, more full and more talkative. So, then what’s the cause of my sporadic silence? Read on…

For every call, purpose, promise and journey we accept in life, there is a weight and a cost to be paid. And if you’re like me, sometimes that weight bears you down so mightily that you find yourself at a loss for everything. You cease to move even though your limbs are in pristine working order. You seek out isolation even though you’re the go-to-gal in all that you do. You tremble and shiver even though it’s almost 90 degrees outdoors. Why? Because when the weight of what the Father is asking of you in this season becomes a reality, all you can think about is doing anything that might help distract or ease the force of its weight.

See, you realize–once and for all–that your life is not your own. Your hopes, dreams and especially your will, don’t belong to you. If indeed you are a people called by His name then words like me, my and mine cease to exist. Here’s how that really translates. When you feel like telling your boss, your instructor or your some other person in authority over you how you REALLY feel about their leadership style YOU DON’T. Instead, you repent, offer up sincere prayers on their behalf AND you assist them in whatever capacity is needed. You don’t complain, gossip about it to your friends (under the guise of praying for the individual) or grumble. You will smile, pray and endure because the weight of what God is calling you to in this season is too great to be put on hold for the foolish, petty things of the flesh.

That supervisor, pastor or CEO doesn’t need your neck rolling-hand-on-hip-having-attitude, he or she needs you to stand in the seat of righteousness–to be Christ’s mirror of unconditional love, patience, kindness, meekness, gentleness and self-control. They need the fruit of the spirit, not the fruit of your lips.

Harsh? A little bit in your face? Welcome to my world. Better still, welcome to the world of worshipping in spirit and in truth. People are dying for someone to love on them; aching for someone to act like they care; waiting for someone to take their position as the heirs of the Most High God. We are who they’re waiting for. People of God, it is time to arise!

Thanks for visiting,

Selena